THE MORE each generation becomes digital, the less men are learning to confront their anxiety and pursue women they’re attracted to. After all, why confront uncomfortable feelings when you can simply swipe from the comfort of your mobile phone? Why develop an ability to build connection and attraction out of that initial awkward stage of the meeting, when you can just comfortably chat behind a messaging app?
I say this not to judge those who do, but to genuinely pose the question.
Why would you?
COMPETITION
Aside from a deeply felt desire, there aren’t many reasons, and online dating makes more sense within the confines of people’s lives. This is only going to become more and more prevalent.
But it is precisely the answer to this question that makes approaching girls during the day so incredibly beneficial.
Where most men shy from their anxiety, you instantly differentiate yourself as someone who doesn’t. Where most men take a passive approach to their desire, you take an active one. Where most men are scared of her, you aren’t.
The answer why is because you’re inherently attractive.
When I’ve written about attraction in the past, I’ve argued is has everything about what you do and why you do it, specifically, that you act from a place of your own desire, and not from a desire to appear attractive to her.
Instead of preening your photos online, you actively put yourself in uncomfortable, often awkward situations, simply because it’s what you want to do.
And not only is this is attractive behavior, it’s magnified by the fact that no other guy does this.
SOCIAL PRESSURE
When writing about the benefits of meeting women at night, I discussed how the ego suffers twin blows as a result of rejection. The first comes from the blow dealt to the self, usually in the form of an external validation of an internal limiting belief, i.e a rejection from a girl validating your lack of self-worth. The second comes from the humiliation of social embarrassment. And this fear is so prevalent, it’s why so many people desperately crave not giving a fuck. This is why some guys have to do press ups in public in order to even be able to approach during the day. It’s why I find it far easier to approach in a foreign country than I do back home.
It’s one of those fears that sits right in the DNA. Nobody likes to get shot down in front of other people.
When talking about bars and clubs, I stressed that the strength of venues themselves was the fact that they offer an inherent element of anonymity, that, in a way, protect you from much of the social embarrassment. Nobody knows who you are or who you know, and they’re far more concerned with themselves.
And because of this, you should embrace the opportunity.
But when meeting girls during the day, this can feel like less of the case.
Whilst it’s true that as with bars in clubs, in the day time nobody knows who you are, or who you know and they’re far more concerned about what they’re doing; what you are doing is also far more social abnormal and uncommon.
And you, and everyone else is aware of this.
And because of this heightened state of social abnormality, the true fear of meeting girls during the day doesn’t come from rejection, but instead from embarrassment, of being seen doing something that is socially inappropriate and uncommon.
I state this because half the battle with dealing with fears is the ability to correctly label them. Sometimes a spade is a spade; and in this instance, you’re afraid to talk to girls during the day because you don’t want to be laughed at.
It’s the same fear that exists at bars and clubs but magnified, as it sits outside of the social conventions of the aforementioned venues.
It is crucial to understand this not just because of correctly understanding and managing your fears, but chiefly because you need to understand that talking to women as they go about their day to day lives is so uncommon that it can sometimes be threatening.
DROP THE GAME
The rule with meeting girls during the day is:
“Less is more.”
The reason for this is empathy. If you walk up to a girl during the day, the first reaction she’s going to have is one of startled confusion. She’s likely been walking around, stuck in her head, or blasting music into her ears, and suddenly, some guy’s shown up out of nowhere and started speaking to her. She’s going to be thinking ‘who is this guy? is he a threat? what does he want?’ and she’ll probably, like you, feel embarrassed.
This is why you should lay off with anything remotely out of the ordinary. Be plain, hell, even be kind of boring. After all, you’re already doing something that stands out, if you continue to add more layers of standing out, it just begins to overflow, overwhelm and end with you wiping out.
It’s not necessary.
But more importantly than this, one of the greatest benefits of meeting women during the day is that it shows you how little you have to do to have the dating life you want to have. More often than not, you just have to show up.
JUST BE DIRECT
As above, her startled and anxious state is going to lead her to question why on earth you’re speaking to her. Are you a tourist? Are you a creep? Are you gonna try and convert her to Mormonism?
She has no idea. So not only is she startled, she’s also confused and she need’s context. What is this interaction about? What do you want?
You solve this, by, funnily enough, telling her. You wanted to meet her, you thought she was cute – whatever. Make it up. As long as it’s true and provides a clear context, that’s fine.
As above, the benefit to doing this is that it involves substantially backing your own desire, and not leaning into that voice that tells you that need to do something in order to get her.
No, you just show up and put yourself on the line.
SELF-RESPECT
Whether or not you have an inherent interest in improving your dating life, it remains the case that approaching women you’re attracted to is one of the best and most effective ways of building self-respect and self-confidence that there is. Beyond any external results, internally, you will be honoring your most powerful instinct, and honoring your own self-worth.
This is, incidentally, why most guys find it so hard. On top of their issues with social embarrassment, they also have lingering issues of self-worth. And whilst I recommend confronting these issues of self-worth through therapy and self-reflection, the simplest way to smash through the plateau and improve the baseline of your self-worth is to engage with exactly what it tells you not to engage with.
As with attraction, approaching has less to do with them, and everything to do with you. At the beginning of this article, I asked why men would confront anxiety and approach women when they could just sit at home and swipe from the comfort of their phone.
The answer, it turns out, is simple. You’d do it for yourself. Because you respect your desires, acknowledge your worth, and don’t want to succumb to your fear and vanity. You don’t just want more from life, you can more from yourself.
So next time you catch yourself questioning whether you should – ask yourself this:
Why wouldn’t you?
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I have never approached a woman in my life, no matter how attractive I find her. There is zero chance any woman would be interested in me when she has other men to choose from. Some of us are doomed to be alone because we are fundamentally unattractive.
I’ve never met a guy whose situation was hopeless. In each case, they never knew unless they tried. And every one of them had the personal power to make themselves more attractive.